I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
