with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
