there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
