I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
