I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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