I'm pants shitting drunk right now
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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