There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
