Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
