Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
