look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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