I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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