We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I smell like Dick and happiness
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
