There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
