Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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