i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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