He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
