Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
