Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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