Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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