Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I will pee on everything he values.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
