my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
