it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
she smelled like a LAN party
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
