she smelled like a LAN party
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
