the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
