I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
