i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
This show inspires me to have sex in space
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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