4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
