After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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