Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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