i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
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