so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
