How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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