Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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