I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
