Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
