It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
