Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
