she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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