final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
