she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
