You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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