I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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