I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
