every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
