I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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