Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
