So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Randomize
