dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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