His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
