I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
