i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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