he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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