I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I think your dad took our porno
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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